AA Second Step Excerpt from Book

This is an excerpt from a workbook I am co-writing that will  be published later this year:

Step 2 – “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Alcoholics Anonymous is a group of fellow alcoholics who have been where you are. While they cannot keep you sober, they will help you progress in your recovery by sharing their experience, strength, and hope. They will help you fill the void carved into your mind and heart by the disease of alcoholism. You will have a program to practice with the guidance of a sponsor and the strength of your Higher Power, who will restore you to mental, emotional and spiritual health “one day at a time.”

Step Two is the process by which you become free. It gives you something else to do mental turmoil of your problems besides wallowing in pity and playing the victim. You have someone else who is all powerful and knows what is best for you in your unmanageable situation and you learn to look beyond yourself for answers.

First, you will recognize that other 12 Steppers have faith in a Higher Power and somehow that makes a huge difference in their lives. You will perceive the peace, love and happiness that others members have during the meetings you attend. You will feel a yearning in your soul to possess those qualities yourself. Gradually your mind will be opened to the possibility that you, too, can depend on a Higher Power to experience that serenity.

Coming to believe may be a process for you. Don’t worry about the strength of your belief, just become willing to recognize that there is something out there that can shoulder all your questions and problems, and restore you to sanity.

Eventually you become WILLING to believe, but even that comes in stages. Ask your Higher Power for the willingness to be willing, and then you will finally believe.

The Serenity Prayer helps you realize that although you can’t change your past, you can make peace with it thereby increasing the degree of serenity you feel in your life. You do this through claiming your past: by writing it down, sharing it, and then trusting in the arrival of peaceful acceptance. All of the steps you do should be done in writing and dated because you may go through the steps more than once and it’s helpful to remember where you were and how far you have come. 

Please don’t underestimate the power of writing things down. Speaking out at meetings is good but doesn't give you the sudden inspiration that writing can offer.

Go to at least one meeting daily, confer with your sponsor, and do the next right thing. Making right choices will increase your self esteem. It’s so freeing to now realize that you are free of the active addiction to alcohol/drugs. Today you have a choice. In the throes of addiction, you didn't have a choice. You may have felt unworthy and hopeless. Beginning to trust in a Higher Power you will rediscover hope. Make a deliberate action now and choose sanity, faith, and healing for your life. Be proud and grateful for the right choices you make today.

Read step two again, focusing on the word “Power.” The day you start placing your attention on the transforming ability of your higher power instead of pressing on as the pilot of your destiny, you begin to experience miracles in your life. One of those miracles is your ability to talk about your feelings and fears in AA meetings.

You have surrendered your unmanageability, asked for help, and made a deliberate decision to rely on your Higher Power to restore you to sanity. The immediate answer to all your questions in recovery comes from learning and practicing The Serenity Prayer. There are a couple different versions of The Serenity Prayer and both are included below:

First Version:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Second Version:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Reciting The Serenity Prayer many times all day long and taking some deep breaths is how we practice step two in our everyday lives.

In recovery, you will slowly begin to create a balanced manageability for yourself. You will be able to discern what needs your attention at any one time. The Big Book helps you to discern the difference between “letting go” of the things for which you have no control over and changing the things you can. (Big Book p. 62-63)

Some may not be able or willing at this time to rely on FAITH, (firm belief in something which there is no proof). Sometimes you will find Blind Faith OPPRESSING because of childhood or through a life experience, the concept of a caring God doesn't make sense to you. You may really have a hard time with believing in a “Supreme Being,” but it will come.

If you are uncomfortable thinking about Your Higher Power, you can lean on The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as Your Higher Power. The more you study and think about it, the more positive you will become in Alcoholics Anonymous. We are used to using our own human reasoning to get through life.

Many of us believe that the big book was completed with some divine intervention. It was inspired by a higher power through the creators of Alcoholics Anonymous.

This ‘Promise’ started the last paragraph of p. 83 of the Big Book tells us that, without a doubt, freedom from the many types of slavery imposed on alcoholics/addicts is not merely a possibility, but an inevitable outcome. We will witness this guarantee in doing our work in AA: meetings, reading, doing step-work, and practicing a new way of life. Every action we take in our recovery resonates in the promise of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Bad News

There aren't going to be any new postings for at least a few weeks. I broke my right hand and I'm right-handed and this one character at a time thing with left hand is very irksome to me, a person who types 73 wpm. I promise, I will post as soon as it doesn't make me feel like using my laptop as a Frisbee.

Feelings in Recovery

For me, living one day at a time can seem impossible when faced with all the feelings and memories that surface and continue to surface during my recovery. I deal with feelings by going to AA meetings where I am foremost reminded that I am not alone. Contact with others helps me stay in and work only on ‘today.’ At times I talk feelings out, cry them out, and yell them out with a sponsor. I listen at meetings and am cognizant of my emotional reactions to what others are saying. Other times I write, walk them out, or do something else that I find both safe and comforting.

Facing the past as it surfaces in my life today doesn't mean I have to stay stuck in it. I allow the healing power of AA to both help me feel my old, buried emotions, and put them where they belong – in the past.

As I wallowed in my alcoholism and drug addiction, I felt that because I didn't discuss my thoughts and feelings I was the only person who felt that way. Keeping my feelings to myself was a survival mechanism that I felt helped me remain emotionally neutral and in control. Initially at AA meetings I was amazed to hear others speak about things that were so personal. People would unabashedly share their feelings out loud in a large group of diverse people from all walks of life. I felt included and relieved when someone expressed the very thoughts I was even afraid to admit to myself. After meetings I would often spend some time in my car writing down impressions and specific sayings that I wanted to remember.

My growth in recovery is about progress, not perfection. Keeping feelings secret to me no longer provides a sense of safety and security that it used to. When I share with others what is going on with me, I not only have an opportunity to experience the love, understanding, and support of my fellow AA members but to also help someone else. Talking about my feelings is not a sign of weakness and after I share I feel so much better!

I use The Serenity Prayer and the slogans “keep it simple,” “easy does it,” and “one day at a time.” Not only do I think about them, but I also practice them. Practicing them reminds me to take things slow. Things I need or want to accomplish in my life aren't going to get accomplished this day, this week, or maybe even this year. I didn't become an addict in a day; I practiced those habits and ritualistic behaviors. My recovery is also going to take time and won’t always be easy. It’s often said that while AA is a simple program, it’s not always easy. But that’s OK. My higher power is always with me, through thick and thin; I am never alone.

At times I may feel like a failure, but I have learned in this program that feelings are not facts. Feelings are a natural part of being human and alert us to possible threats to our survival. Feelings alert us to areas in our lives that require our attention. When I stopped stuffing down my feelings, I was on my way to recovery. While I thought that I was keeping my problems a secret, most of my family and friends knew I had problems before I ever admitted it to myself.

Growing up, and during my using days, I used denial to protect myself from feeling pain and disguised events with alcohol and drugs. But by doing that, I also blocked out experiences of pleasures and joy. It’s true that you have to take the good as well as the bad. You couldn't even have a sense of ‘good’ if there wasn't any ‘bad’ to balance things out.

My feelings of a conscious contact with a higher power have changed over time. Whereas growing up I knew of a stern, legalistic God who was just waiting for me to screw up so he could zap me dead, I am now connected to an approachable, faithful Father who is not only rooting for me, but is with me on every step I take, whether it’s a step forward or backward.

New in sobriety, you will have many feelings that at times seem overwhelming. Remember that feelings are what makes us human and are necessary if we don’t want to go through life with a flat affect as a robot. Feelings allow us to so uniquely experience the medley of life. Feelings in and of themselves cannot hurt you - embrace and share them when necessary. Acknowledge what you are feeling and ride the wave out.  

How to Deal with Difficult Emotions

1. Play Music. Play music that creates an emotion that is the opposite of the one you are struggling with. For example, if you are feeling very sad, play happy, upbeat music. If you are feeling anxious, play slow, relaxing music.

2. Do Something. Take on in a highly engaging activity. Television or computer activities do not count here - these are too passive. Instead, take a walk, dance, clean your house, or do some other activity that gets you involved and distract you from your current emotions.

3. Call Someone. Reaching out to others can really help with you are struggling with strong emotions. Call a supportive friend, sponsor or family member. If you don’t have someone in mind that is supportive, call a helpline.

4. Pray. Are you a religious or spiritual person? If you are (or even if you’re not but have considered trying) praying can be tremendously helpful in times of extreme stress.

5. Ride it out. The peak of most strong emotional reactions (and the urges to engage in harmful activities, like self-harming, or drinking) last for a few minutes and then begin to subside. Grab an egg times from the kitchen and set it for 10 minutes. Wait the 10 minutes and practice riding out the emotion. The more you practice this, the better you will get at it.

6. Be mindful. Practice mindfulness of your emotion. Notice the emotion you are having and let yourself experience it as a wave, without trying to block it, suppress it, or hold onto it. Try to accept the emotion for what it is.

7. Breathe Deeply. Sit or lie somewhere quiet and bring your attention to your breathing. Breathe evenly, slowly, and deeply. Watch your stomach rise and fall with each breath.

8. Take a Warm Bath or Shower. Try to lose yourself in the sensations of the warm water, the smell of the soap, etc. Allow the sensations to distract you from the situation you are upset about. “Calgon, take me away!”

9. Ground Yourself. When emotions seem to be taking you out of the current moment (for example, you are starting to feel “zoned out” or can’t see anything else going on at the moment), do something to ground yourself. Grab and ice cube and hold it to in your hand for a few moments, snap a rubber band against your wrist, “snap yourself back” into the moment.

10. Help Someone Else. Do something nice for someone else. It doesn’t have to be something big; you can walk to the nearest store, buy a pack of gum, and give the cashier a smile and say “Have a great day!” It may sound silly, but small gestures like this can really reduce emotional pain. It gets you out of yourself and makes you feel good about yourself.

What are some of the ways you deal with difficult emotions? Share some with us!

Book Review: Believable Hope

Believable Hope: Five Essential Elements To Beat Any Addiction. Michael Cartwright with Ken Abraham. 2012. ISBN 13: 978-07573-1730-9. Paperback $14.95. Health Communications, Inc. Themes: addiction and recovery; self-help. 

The author states the book's purpose is to offer a "non-clinical, easy-to-understand transformation tool to develop a positive mindset useful to people with any addiction, and from any walk of life." Believable hope is written with genuine compassion and positive affirmations, interspersed with the author's personal addiction experiences and his experiences as the owner of the American Addiction Centers located in California, Texas, Nevada, and Tennessee.

The author's writing style is that of encourager and cheerleader. This book is co-written with Ken Abraham, an experienced writer/editor who has collaborated on thirteen New York Times bestsellers. Mr. Cartwright presents Believable Hope’s motivational ideas clearly and coherently. The book is structured in chronological order of the 5 ingredients the author suggests are necessary in facilitating lasting change. He thoroughly addresses each step.

The first half of the book focuses on Mr. Cartwright’s own personal addiction story, including anecdotes of Cartwright's relationship with his wise grandmother, which is both touching and just plain fun to read. The second half of the book talks more directly about the author’s American Addiction Center experiences. Reading other book reviews on this title, I found complaints about the book being an advertisement for the author's addiction centers. I wish to respond to that. If I owned a treatment center which showed a remarkable ability to help people overcome their addictions, I would feel compelled to tell others about it as well.

However, the fatal flaw in this book is that the authors do a great disservice to those who have chemical addictions. (I define chemical addiction as any addiction to mind altering substances, including legal prescription medications, illegal drugs, and alcohol.) They don't acknowledge the seriousness of drug and alcohol addiction over other addictions. While obsessive and compulsive behaviors are present in every addiction, chemical addicts have the additional component of physical addiction.  Whereas the initial use of the drug causes a feeling of enjoyment, the grave issue is that the addict ends up physically addicted to the chemical. Many times, the addict is only one drink or drug away from death. Additionally with street drug use, you have no idea what chemicals have been added to the drug before you got it.

I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic and the further I progress in my recovery, there is one thing I know for sure: There was no way that I could start to improve my life until I had purged my body of the toxic chemicals I had self-medicated myself with. I tried with no avail. The addict's problem is more complex than having little or no willpower to quit using. The tenets of Believable Hope wouldn't have had a chance of helping me change my addictive behaviors until my mind was clear of the drugs.

During the 28 days I spent in a treatment center an ambulance would come every single day to transport a client to the hospital because they had suffered a seizure due to their body's reaction to not having whatever drug the addict had been abusing. Consequently, I do not suggest anyone go through detoxifying themselves from alcohol or any other chemical on their own. The body doesn't care what steps you are taking to be free of the drugs in your system, it only knows it wants the drugs and responds to that physical need.

While reading this book, noting that the author has worked for years with clients in his addiction centers, I wondered if he holds any degrees in substance abuse counseling, psychology, etc. Additionally, I want to know what research informs his approach to addiction recovery. How does Mr. Cartwright define ‘success’ and how successful are his addiction centers compared with other treatment center programs and combinations of programs, including AA, NA, and individual counseling.

There is a therapeutic and practical value of one addict telling another addict what his life was like in the throes of addiction and how he overcame his struggle. I think Believable Hope would be a stronger tool for recovery if the addicts themselves told their own story in the first person narrative rather than the author telling their stories.

Another thing I wondered about was why exactly Mr. Cartwright separated the wealthy addicts from the addicts who were homeless. Addiction is no respecter socioeconomic status; in the end they are all reduced to addicts. I believe the author does all of his clients a great disservice by separating them by how much money they make. From my experience, I see the inclusion of all persons as nothing less than beneficial to each and every client. The biggest difference between the wealthier and poorer clients is that the wealthier persons had more money to spend on their drug of choice.

Mr. Cartwright’s “discovered secrets" to create permanent, positive change aren't any secret. The only secret is an explanation of how to be free of the physical addiction of chemical abuse. Additionally, the authors make no mention of taking a look at your behaviors and coming to a realization of just how sick your thinking and behavior was. How did the addict’s vice affect his family and friends? There needs to be an initial focus on the addict’s history of poor choices. George Santayana, who, in his Reason in Common Sense, The Life of Reason, Vol.1, wrote "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." In Cartwright's steps, he leaves out the addict accepting responsibility for the situation he’s in. In AA, they say, "We do not want to forget our past, but instead learn from it."

Believable hope provides motivation to creating a healthier life and mindset, but the seriousness of addiction needs to be addressed. Every month there is someone I know either from one of my recovery programs or from working with the homeless on the street who took their last drink or drug and died. The bottom line is that if the addict can't find a way to stop his addiction, death will.

There is no magic formula for overcoming addiction. Recovery is as complex and individual to the addict as the person is to humanity. "The point is that habitual behaviors come in many different forms, and squeezing them into one framework misses some of the nuances of how to change behavior effectively." Timothy D. Wilson. Regarding Believable Hope: Take what you need and leave the rest.

Dry and Sober: What is the Difference?

When I first thought about getting sober because I thought I may have a problem with alcohol, I felt that I would be fine if I just didn't take that first drink. I went to the occasional AA meeting but didn't feel that it was necessary for me to go often or attend 90 meetings in 90 days (as is strongly suggested when you first start going to meetings) to stop drinking.

Well, this disease of Alcoholism is no joke. It is cunning and baffling and it will lie to you. "Oh, you're ok," "I can go out with my friends and just drink cola," "I can control my drinking,"  "You aren't really an alcoholic." And the list goes on and on.

It's easy to live as though our problems will just go away. We say tomorrow, next month, or next year will be better. We keep some kernel of hope that things will change, even though we haven't done anything to change things.

When I decided to quit drinking I didn't go to the bar (that is two blocks from my home) and I didn't buy any alcohol from the store to have on hand if someone came over to visit. I had to stay away from it completely.

That is being dry; also called a dry drunk. I wasn't drinking but I wasn't doing anything else but going to an AA meeting here and there and staying away from alcohol. I didn't even have an AA Big Book. I wasn't that bad so I thought I could quit on my own. In a meeting I heard that it was my best thinking that got me in the position I was in, and that wasn't so great.

After a couple of weeks of not drinking I found myself sitting at the bar drinking a cola. Not a good idea. My friends were at the bar and I wanted to enjoy the comrade and play some pool. Where I live, I haven't found a pool table anywhere that the establishment doesn't serve alcohol.  I was thinking, "Awww, I can have one beer, it's no big deal." It turned into a big deal when I lost count of how many drinks I had and all of a sudden my lips were on some other guy's lips. I was able to walk my drunk self back to my home before I got very sick. I slept on the bathroom floor for almost 20 hours and I had started throwing up blood before I finally stop vomiting.

The next day I had to go back to the bar because I didn't remember what happened. When I told the bartender what I remembered and asked her how my lips got on that guy’s lips she said, "Oh, you were all over him. He has a girlfriend too and it's a good thing she wasn't here, she would have kicked your ass." Ok, that was bad. I had a horrible black out, and that wasn't the first time. I had to stop drinking.

I started getting sober when I started attending AA meetings almost daily, started looking for a sponsor,and  got a Big Book .Sure there are some people who don't need AA to get sober, but I knew I needed help.

There is no reason to get sober on your own. You want to get better. So hedge your bet and get yourself into an Alcoholics Anonymous Program. I wasn't comfortable going to meetings at first and I didn't speak I just listened. There were people who were so willing to help me get better. They were outgoing and genuinely interested in how I was doing.

One morning I asked a more mature woman if she would be my sponsor and she told me that it would be better if I got someone closer to my age. I was angry, but it was her prerogative to tell me no.I still went to meetings but didn't have a sponsor until a woman reached out to me and volunteered to be my sponsor.

I became sober when I began going to meetings regularly, talking to my sponsor every day and started working the steps. I don't even walk by the neighborhood bar on my way home anymore. I walk down the next block instead because I don’t want to run into anyone I know and be tempted to stop in for a few minutes. I am making new friends.

Things won't get better overnight but I promise you they will get better. We need to be positive, to let go, and to live one day at a time, but we also need to be sensitive to points in our lives that require us to take action. Do the steps, change your life - change your playmates, change your play things, change your playgrounds.

In addition to going to meetings, I also make sure that I read some of the Big Book, or another book on addiction or recovery I have, every day for at least 30 minutes.  This is all an investment in my future. I want to become a sober alcoholic, not a dry drunk.

We talked about this topic of dry and sober at a meeting last week and I had to chuckle when it was my turn to speak. I told everyone that this topic could have been a show and tell for me if I had known the topic ahead of time. Someone very close to me is an alcoholic and she seems to always have a different answer when I ask her if she's an alcoholic. I wondered how she was doing in her desire to stop drinking this past weekend while she was over. I asked, "Amy, how are you doing with not drinking? Are you an alcoholic?" Her response was, "Only when I'm drinking." She and I exemplify the definition of dry and sober.

Am I an Alcoholic?

Here is a good post about women and self medicating with alcohol.

http://laurenbdavis.com/2013/01/aiming-for-oblivion/